Neediness in a relationship is not normally a good thing. In fact, being too needy can cause relationships to fall apart. For those dealing with a needy person, they can see it as immature, making them question the worth of the relationship.
Now, to some extent, neediness exists in all relationships. Of course, there is a difference in the types of neediness and understanding these differences is important. Understand, it is alright to need something out of a relationship, but it is completely different if the neediness is used as a tool to maintain control or affect behaviour.
While there is a limit to what is acceptable, understanding if you are too needy in a relationship will help you determine if the relationship is healthy or not.
The Insecurity Neediness
Relationships do not start with open hearts and trust. While everyone would love to believe this is the case, they do not work like this. Relationships start out with two people who know very little about one another. They know enough to want to be together, but that is it.
As they grow the relationship and develop as a couple, their hearts open and trust begins to develop. In this time, they start feeling closer and more comfortable with the other person. This is the way relationships tend to mature.
In the early stages of a relationship, insecurity is going to exist. This is normal. However, if the relationship takes a while to develop, that insecurity might become magnified. One part of a couple may feel the need for reassurance, to know that there is love and a future. They want answers and they want to make sure that there is some level of security within the relationship. This is a normal reaction in any relationship.
No relationship is immune to some level of neediness. Again, all relationships are built on some type of neediness. However, some neediness is not healthy for the relationship. Take, for instance, continued neediness.
This type of need is built on insecurity in the relationship. It develops from a lack of trust or commitment from one or both parties. Generally, it is a sign that the relationship is not built on a solid foundation and therefore causes security issues. Both parties are generally seeking reassurance that their time is being used properly, especially when it comes to their relationship. If they are questioning their appropriation of time, then this type of neediness begins to show.
It is not healthy and can ultimately destroy a relationship. This type of neediness should be addressed quickly to avoid negative feelings, which could destroy the relationship altogether.
Again, the desire to hear, “I love you”, “I want you” and “Everything will be okay” is not a problem. Needing simple reassurances throughout the day, weeks, and years are not a problem.
What is a problem is when it is necessary to help them feel safe when it has to happen or they question everything. If there is a need for constant talk, constant knowledge of the partner’s whereabouts, restrictions based on fears, then it has become negative.
If you fall into this category of negative neediness, then you are definitely too needy and you need to figure out what is causing this need. Until you do, there is nothing that will help your current relationship. Take the time now to assure you have a healthy future. If you do not fall into this category, then pay attention that you do not accidentally fall into the neediness trap in the future.
Healthy relationships exist, and they satisfy a need. However, they don’t fix negative needs and they never will.